My heart is so heavy and I am beyond sad today to learn about the tragic death of Rehtaeh Parsons. A 17 year old girl who was raped by 4 boys – who were never charged for this heinous crime. One of the boys took photos during the rape and distributed them and they went viral. Rehtaeh became the victim twice as her peers and so-called friends turned on her and labeled her a slut. She was mercilessly bullied until she couldn’t take it any longer.
As an advocate of teen girls and young women and as a mother of two sons, I am even more deeply committed to my work and outreach.
The following is an excerpt from an interview with Rehteah’s mother, Leah in the article
Who Failed Rehteah Parsons?
There are things to be learned from the girl’s death, Parsons said in the interview. That is why she is talking about what happened, and why her daughter did the same.
“Rehtaeh would want her story out there,” she said.
For one thing, social media can be toxic, said the mother. After Rehtaeh left her school, other kids were relentless.
“People texted her all the time, saying ‘Will you have sex with me?’” she remembered. “Girls texting, saying ‘You’re such a slut.’”
But then there is the question of how the adults handled the alleged sexual assault that Rehtaeh described to her mother.
The RCMP investigation took a year, said Parsons.
RCMP spokesman Cpl. Scott MacRae confirmed the police are now investigating a sudden death involving a young person.
“An investigation into an earlier sexual assault was completed, and in consultation with the Crown, there was insufficient evidence to lay charges,” MacRae said.
Out of respect for the family, and because of privacy laws, he couldn’t discuss details of the investigation Monday, and the force sent its sympathy to Rehtaeh’s loved ones, he said.
Parsons said she was unhappy with what she saw of the investigation.
“They didn’t even interview the boys until much, much later. To me, I’d think you’d get the boys right away, separate them.”
When it came to the photo or photos taken that night, “nothing was done about that because they couldn’t prove who had pressed the photo button on the phone,” she said.
She was told that the distribution of the photos is “not really a criminal issue, it’s more of a community issue,” she said.
“Even though she was 15 at the time, which is child pornography.
“The whole case was full of things like that. We didn’t have a rape kit done because we didn’t even know (anything had happened) until several days later when she had a breakdown in my kitchen.
“She was trying to keep it to herself.”
Recently,
Rosalind Wiseman wrote a provoking article that was originally entitled
How to Raise a Boy Not to be a Rapist? which received an angry outcry and even hate mail towards Rosalind. The article has since been renamed
How do you talk to your son about rape?
(CNN) — In the aftermath of the guilty verdict in Steubenville, Ohio, parents should be taking this opportunity to ask themselves this painful question. But what parent can even contemplate that a child they love could so callously disregard someone’s basic human rights? At the same time, the media is filled with experts chastising parents for not being involved with their kids and wanting to be a friend instead of a parent.
All this may be true, but what is equally true is we never acknowledge how difficult it is to accept our children as possible perpetrators of abuse or bystanders who will “let” it happen—and then refuse to come forward after the fact (as in Steubenville). It doesn’t even occur to a parent that their child could threaten to kill or beat the victim for coming forward.
There are so many levels and layers to this tragedy:
- teaching our boys about love, respect and sex
- teaching our girls that they are enough and that they don’t need a boy to complete them or make them whole
- changing the culture of the sexualization of girls
- understanding the impact of social media and teaching responsibility and consequences of every post
- encouraging our girls to love and accept themselves and to value their body as a sanctuary
- take every opportunity to empower young women to find their voice and take a stand AND to stand strong together as women instead of turning against each other
And all of it starts with you. Yes, you.
All of us must take responsibility and take ACTION. Whether you have a platform of 10 people that you can influence, or have the capacity to reach the masses on a global stage, we MUST share a message of love, respect and kindness. We MUST speak out and NEVER back down.
What is one thing you could do today to share love instead of hate?
Please, leave a comment below and let me and everyone know how you are gonna impact your world today – then share this with everyone on your networks. Use this as a springboard for meaningful conversations of change.
Rest in peace, Rehteah. Your life has meaning and purpose and I promise to do all I can to honor you and all the girls I have to privilege to serve. We have a lot of work yet to do and we will not stop.
With a heavy heart and so much love,
Kathleen
