Who the Hell Do You Think You Are? How to Reclaim Your Power

Even the most successful people in the world, if they are truly honest, will admit to moments of self-doubt and insecurity. Just the other night, during an interview on Oprah’s Next Chapter, Lady Gaga admitted that there have been times – even now amidst all her fame, fortune and 21 million Twitter followers, that she has felt totally worthless. So who the hell does she think she is? On occasion – nobody. Recently my friend and colleague, Dr. Robyn Silverman wrote an outstanding blog post detailing the obstacles that prevent many women from becoming powerful leaders. Nestled smack dab in the middle of her list of seven self-sabotaging stumbling blocks that keep women playing small, #4 jumped out at me, grabbed me by the throat in a choke-hold and it wouldn’t let go until I stopped, looked at it and then wrote about it. 4. The ‘who the heck do you think you are’ complex? I could surely relate to all seven of the deadly sins that we women commit against ourselves every day, but #4 for me was the mother load because it was my own mother who programmed that one into my consciousness. Except she didn’t use the word “heck” when she glared at me and demanded the response to “Who the hell do you think you are?” and with eyes locked on me in a penetrating vice grip, she would not let go until I replied, “I’m nobody.” Any attempt at a different response, such as “But I thought…” was met with the same deadly stare and would prompt another equally damaging and no-win query, “Oh you thought? Well, you know what thought did?” and once again, she’d wait until I delivered the only response that would loosen her death-grip hold, and I’d say, “Thought wrong?” It was as if this was the only way to win her approval and the only time she ever said “You got that right.” From as early as I can remember, I was programmed not to think for myself and that I’m nobody. Ironically, in a culture that espouses the concept of “you’re nobody till somebody retweets you” we are equally programmed and brainwashed to believe that we must strive to be somebody, to get noticed, to be special, to get discovered, to become famous in order to make our mark on the world. The greatest difference we can make in this world, is to heal our own wounds and see past the illusion of unworthiness. But just how to do we do that? How do we reclaim our power? Awareness: Real empowerment is when we recognize and honor those feelings rather than pushing them down or pretending they’re not there. Being powerful doesn’t mean we’re perfect, or that we never succumb to those feelings, but it is a decision to no longer see yourself as a victim in any way. Forgiveness: We must forgive those who imposed, inflicted and projected their own insecurities upon us. Forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning the behavior of others, but we reclaim our own power by no longer being willing to carry around the burden of toxic thoughts and feelings. Consciousness: Pay attention to your own thoughts. Whether you call it the ego, the inner critic, the gremlin, the monkey mind, the devil or my favorite the itty bitty shitty committee – we must recognize the voice within that tries to keep us playing small. Then we must consciously choose better feeling thoughts that build us up rather than tear us down. Choose Happiness: Stop playing the blame game and waiting for things (or other people) to change so you can be happy. Happiness is a decision and self-esteem and self-confidence is an inside job. It takes hard work, mental discipline and a willingness to see things differently. Eleanor Roosevelt said “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” No matter who programmed in your feelings of unworthiness, you’re the only one who can choose how you will live your life. Bitter or Better? Victim or Victorious? The choice is up to you! So, who the hell do you think you are? Only you can answer that for yourself and take back your power. Everything that ever happened has made me the woman I am today and I wouldn’t change a thing. And if and when I hear that voice that demands the answer to the question “Who the hell do you think you are?” I just smile and say “I’m me!”