Many of my teen coaching clients come to me as a result of their mother’s concern about their inability to socialize “normally.” For some it shows up as moping around the house on the weekend with no plans and no one to hang out with, for others it manifests itself as performance anxiety – deathly afraid of failing publicly and being harshly judged by others, while still others have full blown panic attacks that come on without warning and feel like they are having a heart attack. For the latter, it usually requires a more therapeutic approach than coaching, yet all of these scenarios develop from caring too much what other people think.
I saw a cartoon the other day that said if Facebook ever went away, we would be so conditioned by the “like” button that we would find ourselves going up to complete strangers, showing them a picture and screaming “Do you like this? Do you?” In a culture that measures it’s worth by how many “friends,” “likes” or “retweets” we get in any given day, is it any wonder why our kids care so much what other people think?
Here are some tips and suggestions that I offer my teen clients to build their self-esteem and self-confidence and help them enter into new situations.
What anyone else thinks about me is none of my business. Chances are, everyone is too busy thinking about themselves. Don’t let others take up space in your head unless they are paying you rent.
Be Yourself. There is no one on the planet quite like you and it is too exhausting trying to be just like someone else. Not everyone is going to like us and as long as we stay true to who we are, the ones who do like us – will like us for who we are – not for who we’re pretending to be.
Make others feel comfortable. If you’re uncomfortable, most likely others are too. Be the one to break the ice and ask a question or give a compliment. If you take responsibility for helping others feel comfortable, you won’t be thinking about how uncomfortable you are and your focus will be on them instead of you which will cause others to think “I like the way I feel about me when I’m with her.”
Be your own best friend. We teach others how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves. It’s important to check in several times a day and ask ourselves what we need and be the one who provides and cares rather than always looking for outside approval or attention. Practice positive self-talk and speak to yourself the way you wish others would.
Ask for help. A problem shared is a problem cut in half. Keeping our problems all bottled up inside is literally “depressing” our feelings and emotions down which leads to depression and can cause us to seek relief in unhealthy ways such as drugs, alcohol and other dangerous behaviors.
With school right around the corner, now is the time to be practicing these new skills. As a coach, my job is to help my clients shift their thoughts and focus away from what they don’t want and towards what they do. Thoughts become things and whatever we give our attention to expands and brings to us more of the same. I help my clients visualize themselves as their best and confident self and imagine themselves having the best school year yet. Coaching is like personal training for the mind and the benefit is that they become stronger and mentally tough and better equipped to handle new situations.
Click here to learn more about coaching and sign up for a complimentary coaching session to find out how to go from where you are to where you want to be with less stress and more confidence!
Teens and Social Anxiety
Let’s face it, hardly anyone enjoys walking into a roomful of strangers and many of us would rather isolate than deal with the dreaded small talk. Yet, ironically all of us are longing for a deeper connection to others, to find “our people” – the ones who like us for who we are and who share similar interests.
You might think today’s teens, who were born wired and woven into the fabric of social networking would have no problem making those connections. Yet hiding behind a computer screen or a phone is vastly different than walking into that room and many teens have lost the knack or have never even been taught the art of small talk and breaking the ice. Add to that the epidemic of bullying and the fear of others’ opinions or becoming a target of others’ negative attention and many teens today have become paralyzed with social anxiety.
Many of my teen coaching clients come to me as a result of their mother’s concern about their inability to socialize “normally.” For some it shows up as moping around the house on the weekend with no plans and no one to hang out with, for others it manifests itself as performance anxiety – deathly afraid of failing publicly and being harshly judged by others, while still others have full blown panic attacks that come on without warning and feel like they are having a heart attack. For the latter, it usually requires a more therapeutic approach than coaching, yet all of these scenarios develop from caring too much what other people think.
I saw a cartoon the other day that said if Facebook ever went away, we would be so conditioned by the “like” button that we would find ourselves going up to complete strangers, showing them a picture and screaming “Do you like this? Do you?” In a culture that measures it’s worth by how many “friends,” “likes” or “retweets” we get in any given day, is it any wonder why our kids care so much what other people think?
Here are some tips and suggestions that I offer my teen clients to build their self-esteem and self-confidence and help them enter into new situations.
What anyone else thinks about me is none of my business. Chances are, everyone is too busy thinking about themselves. Don’t let others take up space in your head unless they are paying you rent.
Be Yourself. There is no one on the planet quite like you and it is too exhausting trying to be just like someone else. Not everyone is going to like us and as long as we stay true to who we are, the ones who do like us – will like us for who we are – not for who we’re pretending to be.
Make others feel comfortable. If you’re uncomfortable, most likely others are too. Be the one to break the ice and ask a question or give a compliment. If you take responsibility for helping others feel comfortable, you won’t be thinking about how uncomfortable you are and your focus will be on them instead of you which will cause others to think “I like the way I feel about me when I’m with her.”
Be your own best friend. We teach others how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves. It’s important to check in several times a day and ask ourselves what we need and be the one who provides and cares rather than always looking for outside approval or attention. Practice positive self-talk and speak to yourself the way you wish others would.
Ask for help. A problem shared is a problem cut in half. Keeping our problems all bottled up inside is literally “depressing” our feelings and emotions down which leads to depression and can cause us to seek relief in unhealthy ways such as drugs, alcohol and other dangerous behaviors.
With school right around the corner, now is the time to be practicing these new skills. As a coach, my job is to help my clients shift their thoughts and focus away from what they don’t want and towards what they do. Thoughts become things and whatever we give our attention to expands and brings to us more of the same. I help my clients visualize themselves as their best and confident self and imagine themselves having the best school year yet. Coaching is like personal training for the mind and the benefit is that they become stronger and mentally tough and better equipped to handle new situations.
Click here to learn more about coaching and sign up for a complimentary coaching session to find out how to go from where you are to where you want to be with less stress and more confidence!
Many of my teen coaching clients come to me as a result of their mother’s concern about their inability to socialize “normally.” For some it shows up as moping around the house on the weekend with no plans and no one to hang out with, for others it manifests itself as performance anxiety – deathly afraid of failing publicly and being harshly judged by others, while still others have full blown panic attacks that come on without warning and feel like they are having a heart attack. For the latter, it usually requires a more therapeutic approach than coaching, yet all of these scenarios develop from caring too much what other people think.
I saw a cartoon the other day that said if Facebook ever went away, we would be so conditioned by the “like” button that we would find ourselves going up to complete strangers, showing them a picture and screaming “Do you like this? Do you?” In a culture that measures it’s worth by how many “friends,” “likes” or “retweets” we get in any given day, is it any wonder why our kids care so much what other people think?
Here are some tips and suggestions that I offer my teen clients to build their self-esteem and self-confidence and help them enter into new situations.
What anyone else thinks about me is none of my business. Chances are, everyone is too busy thinking about themselves. Don’t let others take up space in your head unless they are paying you rent.
Be Yourself. There is no one on the planet quite like you and it is too exhausting trying to be just like someone else. Not everyone is going to like us and as long as we stay true to who we are, the ones who do like us – will like us for who we are – not for who we’re pretending to be.
Make others feel comfortable. If you’re uncomfortable, most likely others are too. Be the one to break the ice and ask a question or give a compliment. If you take responsibility for helping others feel comfortable, you won’t be thinking about how uncomfortable you are and your focus will be on them instead of you which will cause others to think “I like the way I feel about me when I’m with her.”
Be your own best friend. We teach others how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves. It’s important to check in several times a day and ask ourselves what we need and be the one who provides and cares rather than always looking for outside approval or attention. Practice positive self-talk and speak to yourself the way you wish others would.
Ask for help. A problem shared is a problem cut in half. Keeping our problems all bottled up inside is literally “depressing” our feelings and emotions down which leads to depression and can cause us to seek relief in unhealthy ways such as drugs, alcohol and other dangerous behaviors.
With school right around the corner, now is the time to be practicing these new skills. As a coach, my job is to help my clients shift their thoughts and focus away from what they don’t want and towards what they do. Thoughts become things and whatever we give our attention to expands and brings to us more of the same. I help my clients visualize themselves as their best and confident self and imagine themselves having the best school year yet. Coaching is like personal training for the mind and the benefit is that they become stronger and mentally tough and better equipped to handle new situations.
Click here to learn more about coaching and sign up for a complimentary coaching session to find out how to go from where you are to where you want to be with less stress and more confidence!
About the Author: Kathleen
