Teen Girls: Making the List

Last week at New Jersey’s top-ranked Milburn High School, senior “it” girls circulated their annual “Slut List” of incoming freshman girls. A dozen or more names are written on a piece of notebook paper along with vulgar descriptions and are copied and circulated around the school. One might assume that this is just another awful example of girl bullying, but in this case, you’d be wrong. According to William Miron, the principal of Milburn High, this has been going on for a decade and said “We’ve had girls obsessed that their names are on it, and girls who were upset that they didn’t make the list.” That’s right, some girls actually are disappointed if they don’t make the list! Is this really what girl power is all about? Seriously? As a Confidence Coach, I help girls learn how to look within, find their truth and autentic power and dare to speak that truth. But has the message of Rachel Simmons’ book “The Curse of the Good Girl” been misconstrued and sent girls careening in the opposite direction towards becoming badder than bad? I’ll never forget the day in high school when my “so-called” best friend came up to me and in the name of “I thought you’d want to know” informed me that there was a rumor going around school that I was a slut. I felt like I had just been sucker punched. I remember actually laughing and pretending that it didn’t bother me one bit, but inside I was humiliated and mortified. It was September of my sophomore year of high school and just one month before, my mother died. I was sixteen, alone, scared and was literally looking for love in all the wrong places. My dad died when I was ten so I had no parental guidance whatsoever and had to maneuver my way through this world alone. I was desperate for love and tried to get it in any way I could – and it backfired miserably. Many years of self-esteem building and therapy sessions later, I am passionately determined to help teen girls find their authentic voice and power and learn how to break free of the societal brainwashing that masquerades as “girl power.” We live in a culture where becoming well known supercedes just about every other value we hold dear. And it’s not just with our youth, adults buy into this just as much and the acclaim and fame seems to go to those with the biggest friend list on facebook and followers on twitter. Is it any wonder that girls would get a power rush at the mention of their name making it onto any list? Every single one of us is looking for love in all the wrong places. The fulfillment, the self-worth, the self-respect can only be found within from the source of all love and power. Jesus said “the kingdom of heaven is within you” and Buddha said “look within, thou art the Buddha.” Stop for a moment and just take a breath. Notice the air as it moves in and out of your body. Quiet your mind and be still. Turn down the volume of the world’s chatter where everyone is clamoring for their spot and just be. Turn your attention inward and listen for that soft and gentle guidance that will lead you towards your best and highest good – better than you could ever imagine. We really can create anything our heart desires. So why not put all of your energy on creating what you really want instead of wasting another moment of your life hoping to be on some stupid list. The only list I hope to be on is God’s list of those who woke up and remembered the truth about my power of choice to co-create a life beyond my wildest dreams when I connect to the source of all love within.