I am so close. I can see the ribbon. You might imagine that I’d be sprinting full on with my goal in sight. I am almost finished writing my book. And I am crawling to the finish line.
Since gearing up to come back to Boston for the summer, I have come up with a million excuses why I haven’t been able to write. First it was closing up my condo in Naples. Next, figuring out what to clothes to pack for an entire summer (I kid you not, this kept me up several nights!) Arranging to have my car shipped up here was also on my to do list – I mean what’s the point of driving a BMW convertible in Florida all winter if not to show off to all your friends up North in the summah? Then making the move up here and getting settled into a rented apartment for three months. My husband was the one to make the arrangements for the temporary lease and when he told me where it was, I said, “Wait. Is that the one up on the hill that looks like a prison?” Yup! That’s the one.
Now I’m no psychologist, but I do know that moving/relocating is pretty high up on the stress scale and I’ve moved 4 times in the last two years! Got stress? Ya think? I’ve had 3 cold sores in a month, when typically I only get them about once a year and only when I’ve forgotten everything I know about stress management and eating right.
I’ve done my very best to do all the things that keep me sane and sober; meditating, recovery meetings and yoga. But recently my “best” has been anything but.
Rushing to Relax
The week before I left Naples to come up to Boston, I was on my way to a restorative yoga class – a class I describe as a stretch, a hug, a massage and a nap all rolled into one… and surprise, surprise – I was running late. While driving like a mad woman, all of a sudden the car in front of me stopped short. I nearly rammed into them and I was annoyed as hell because there was no traffic sign, no red light and nowhere to take a turn. Thankfully there were no cars to my right so I went around them and beeped my horn to make sure they knew just how annoyed I was with their abrupt and careless action. I even thought about working up a hand gesture, but instead just gave them “the look” and as I did, I saw what caused them to stop. There was a turtle in the middle of the road.
I wish I could tell you that I pulled over, got out of my car, picked up the turtle and carried it to safety, but I was late, ya know. I was rushing to relax.
When I finally got to class and settled down onto my mat, the irony was not lost on me. I dedicated my practice to those two people who did stop for the turtle – and to the turtle, who showed up as my greatest teacher; reminding me to slow down and that life is not a race.
When I do slow down, still my mind and listen for that quiet, compassionate voice of truth – I know that everything that happens serves to awaken us. If I judge myself as bad or guilty, then I’m sure to judge others because our egos are always looking to compare. It is that comparison that keeps us striving and rushing to get ahead and keeps us in the illusion that we are separate.
In that realization, I discovered that the sole purpose of this book is my own awakening.
So, I am almost finished with my book. So what? I can waste my time and energy lamenting and chastising myself for not having finished it yet, or I can be here now, accept everything exactly the way it is and stop striving to get somewhere else.
Everything we create should come from the deepest place within, flowing through us as a gift to offer. Ironically this time of struggle is the gift. I couldn’t push any harder and there was nothing left to do except to let go completely and just be with all of it.
I have this tendency to want to wrap everything up in a beautiful bow and show the world what I think they want to see.
It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else’s eyes. ~ Sally Field
Me too, Sally. But the more I show up and experience what is, without trying to control, manipulate or change any of it, the more at peace I am. And that is when the book starts to flow once again!
Writing is a lonely job, but thankfully I didn’t go it alone. I’ve had some amazing coaches and cheerleaders along the way, but right about now I sure could use some extra “You can do it” and “Go, Kat, Go”‘s . So please “like” this up and share it with your peeps and let us know in the comments below what you’re daring to do so that we can cheer you on too.
Writing this book,
The 9 Lives of Kat, has opened me up in unimaginable ways. Every time I show up at the page and just let go and trust, I get the strength to keep going. Every time I stop worrying about how far I have to go or where I think I should be – and stop caring what anyone else thinks about my progress – that’s when I remember the turtle – and I remember the truth. Go slow. This is not a race. There is nothing to win because I already have it all – right here inside me. And when I write from that sacred place within, it’s like I’m writing a love letter from God to all of us.
So thanks for being with me on this amazing journey. Thank you for bearing witness to this sometimes messy process of creating. I hope you’ll stay with me all the way to the finish line. To get updates and be the first to know the details of when the book is gonna launch, (hint: it will be AFTER I finish writing it – LOL!) fill in your info below.
There is no obligation to buy the book at this time, but if you sign up now, you will be on the VIP list and receive bonus gifts that no one else will get!
Cannot wait to get my claws into The 9 Lives of Kat! Add me to the VIP list!
