“Using Facebook can be bad for people with low self-esteem,” suggests a new study in the journal Psychological Science. Duh? Do we really need a research study to tell us that?
Canadian researchers found people with low self-esteem deluge their Facebook friends with negative details about their lives, which makes them less likeable. According to study author Amanda Forest, a graduate student at the University of Waterloo, in Ontario, “If you’re talking to somebody in person and you say something, you might get some indication that they don’t like it, that they’re sick of hearing your negativity,” But when people have a negative reaction to a post on Facebook, they tend to keep it to themselves.
Guilty. I have kept this one to myself for far too long. As a woman who has worked all her life to build her own self-esteem and has dedicated her work to inspiring and teaching teen girls and young women how to do the same, I have had to admit there have been so many times that I’ve wanted to cyber scream (aka POST IN ALL CAPS) some pretty negative reactions to the most current and irking posting trend from girls today….
LMS or Like My Status.
There are several variations on this cloying cry for attention;
lms for truth – which is kind of a virtual truth or dare (minus the dare) and anyone who hits the “like” button will get a truth from that poster on their page. It has taken every ounce of restraint for me not to comment. If I had this is what I would say: How ’bout just being truthful all the time? or Does that mean the rest of the time you’re not telling the truth?
LMS and ill give you a compliment. ( : If you only knew how much people would really like you – the real you, if you stopped asking people to like you and actually gave sincere compliments out – without any expectation of what you’d get in return. We learned the Golden Rule in kindergarten and it still applies girls and always will.
lms – a confession for every like. Seriously? Once I actually had to block a girl as her twenty and counting confessions kept showing up in my newsfeed. I sent her a private message and asked her to reconsider what she was doing. Nobody needs or wants to know and this is the kind of thing that is between you and God and maybe a parent or closest friend.
10 likes, and ill say my top 5 bestfriends ♥ This one, by far is the most dangerous one of all and is a subtle form of relational aggression and even the little heart at the end cannot disguise the fact that this kind of post has the power to hurt anyone who didn’t make the cut.
There are so many incredible ways that Facebook has revolutionized the way we interact and communicate. As a social networking site, business deals are made and companies are branded. Families keep in touch across the miles and grandmothers in sunny Florida get to see up to the minute photos of their precious new-born grandbaby in Chicago. Long lost high school crushes are found 30 years later and the lines between cliques blur as we reunite with kids we graduated with, as we compare our lives from then to now.
But for girls today, Facebook can sometimes be a tough place to hang out as evidenced by these actual posts:
Facebook honestly makes everyone hate each other……
I hate those people who can post a status about eating dinner and get 30 likes.
feelin ignored . . .
#lonely
LMS for The Truth:
Here’s a helping
hand to help you do Facebook right! My friend and colleague,
Gail Hand speaks on smart social networking and came up with a way to give college students a “hand” in thinking before they post. Gail came up with the 5 W’s and I added the 6th – which when it comes to teen girls could be the most important one of all.
==> Who is going to see this? Trust me, your parents, your boss and even the cops have ways to see your page, even if you purposely block them. Don’t believe me? See for yourself how
one dad teaches his daughter a lesson she’ll never forget when he found his daughter’s negative comments on her page! He wasn’t snooping, but stumbled upon her page after uploading a cute pic of their dog to the family dog’s Facebook page!! Apparently the girl forgot to block the dog!!
==> What are you trying to accomplish? Are you out to hurt someone by your post or are you trying to get people to like you? Either way, you’ll get back exactly what you put out there. If you’re not getting enough attention, it’s because you’re the one who isn’t paying enough attention to yourself. By checking in and asking yourself these questions before you post, you’re literally paying attention to yourself and you will get more of that back from others.
==> Where could this post end up? That teacher that you wrote about in
confession 3: i hate my la teacher!!!!! (then goes on to say who that is in a subsequent comment) could be the one who decides on your scholarship to your dream college.
==> Why are you posting it? There is already too much noise online. Are you adding to the noise or do you have something important to say?
==> When could it come back to haunt you? All it takes is one person to hit “share” or repost what you said for something to go viral. The thing about online reputations is that once something is out there – it never goes away. Do you really want to lose your dream job interview because the employer saw a picture of you passed out on the front lawn of a party?
==> Would I say it to someone’s face? It’s so much easier to sit behind a screen and make negative comments on somebody’s post or status update when you’re not looking them in the eyes. But would you say it to their face? Nine out of ten the answer will be no.
So the lesson here is pause before you post… and while you’re at it… please LMS!! 🙂
