“The only time my daughter wants to hang out with me is when it involves spending money and most often that means another trip to the mall.” Sound familiar? I’ve heard this over and over again from so many moms who keep caving in and resorting to the only strategy that seems to work. But does it really?
There’s even a book, dedicated to beleaguered parents of teens called, “Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall.!” It may sound amusingly tongue in cheek, but the reality is that this is an all too familiar scenario for most mothers of teen girls.
One mother, who’s daughter suffers from body anxiety and who was having full blown panic attacks each morning as she was getting dressed for school, readily admitted, “My current solution of ‘let’s go shopping’ has become an exhausting, monotonous, vicious cycle that’s just not working anymore.”
Throwing money at the problem, at least in the direction of the mall, is never going to solve your daughter’s self-esteem problem, (although I highly recommend investing in coaching to address the issue at its core level). It’s just like drugs and alcohol; there’s an immediate, quick-fix sense of relief, but before you know it you find yourself “jonesing” for the next high.
Self-esteem comes from having confidence in one’s own worth or abilities and buying more stuff can never replace that inner knowing. The answers you seek are not “out there” and I had to learn that lesson the hard way. My own traumatic teen years became the impetus to seeking and discovering how to live a happy life. Although I am highly trained in scientifically based techniques and strategies for personal development and transformation, it is usually the fact that I went through hell during my own teen years and came out on the other side, healed, whole and healthy, that makes an immediate connection to the girls I coach.
The very first thing I tell a girl who is meeting with me for the first time is, “You’re not broken and I’m not trying to fix you.” Far too often, parents’ first line of defense when their daughters are struggling to find their way in this image obsessed culture is to get them into therapy and put them on some kind of anti-anxiety medication.
Although there is a time and a place for some medications, there is no doubt a real crisis of confidence and an anxiety epidemic among our girls today. We’ve created a generation of girls who’ve been told they can have it all, and at the same time, we have failed to provide them with the tools and resiliency skills they need to bridge that huge gap between where they are and where they want to be. Equally significant is the fact that they are more disconnected than ever from their own inner compass, due to their online connection to cell phones and social media. As a result, most girls are striving to attain unrealistic standards of perfection and beauty while aiming towards goals that aren’t even their own, but rather societal “shoulds” of who they think they are “supposed” to be.
The issues girls face today require a whole new kind of conscious parenting that many moms never learned from their own parents. We need to stop looking “out there” for the solution and learn to go within.
The most inexpensive and effective tool for transformation I know is meditation, and yet it is often the last resort as a parenting strategy. The health benefits of meditation are numerous; it can help decrease stress and anxiety, better manage your emotions, and declutter mental distractions so you can be more present and attentive with your kids.
Unfortunately this approach is not a quick-fix solution, but rather a consistent commitment to being fully present and mindful as to how you’re parenting your daughter so that you can break the old, worn out patterns and behaviors that keep getting the same old results.
If you find that you need some help in navigating your way through the tumultuous teen years, I’d be happy to offer you a free Breakthrough to Confidence Discovery Session to see if coaching is right for you.
Einstein once said, “You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it.” You don’t have to go it alone— nor should you. Having a Confidence Coach in your daughter’s life, someone who isn’t you, someone she can trust and open up to and someone who isn’t emotionally entangled or susceptible to her tactics of manipulation, has the power to transform her life from the inside out. At the same time, I can help you learn how to move from fear and frustration back to peace and harmony in your home. I’m offering you an opportunity to reap the benefits of the years of research, experience and all the personal transformation I’ve done without all the time and energy of trying to figure it out alone.
If you’re ready for a whole new approach to parenting while helping your daughter learn to love and accept herself— just the way she is, then my Breakthrough to Confidence Discovery Session is your next right step.
I only have five spots available for these sessions and I want to reserve them for the mothers and daughters that I’m certain I can help.
So, to help me determine that, I have a simple application process. It’s online and will take less than ten minutes to complete.
Take the next step!
Breakthrough to Confidence Discovery Session
During your free session we will:
==> Create a vision of how you want to see your daughter and your relationship with her.
==> Identify the fears, doubts and family patterns that keep you from achieving this vision for you and your daughter.
==> Determine the #1 belief that stops your daughter from being confident and loving and accepting herself just the way she is.
==> Learn the powerful actions that will take you from feeling desperate and unsure of how to help your daughter feel good about herself to finally feeling in charge of your own family.
==> Decide if my Unshakable Confidence Program is the best next step for you and your daughter.
Please contact me if you have any questions, and I look forward to reviewing your application!