E. F. Hutton & Co. was a stock brokerage company founded in 1904 and was best known for its commercials in the 1970s and 1980s based on the phrase, “When E. F. Hutton talks, people listen.”
I’m sure every blogger can relate to the scene from the movie
Julie & Julia when Julie, in the early stages of writing her blog asks “Is anyone listening?” Social media has changed the way we communicate and it sometimes feels like everyone is competing for air time – tweeting, posting and sharing our lives, thoughts, accomplishments and viewpoints with the world.
Last week, this played out in a big way when
Jess Weiner’s article ran in
Glamour Magazine. The title alone was provocative enough to cause quite a stir
“Jess Weiner’s Weight Struggle: ‘Loving My Body Almost Killed Me,’” and the
HAES (Health At Every Size),
ED (Eating Disorders) and Positive Body Image Community all “weighed in” with comments, tweets, blog posts and status updates. Some were supportive and congratulatory on Jess’s courage, vulnerability and decision to put her health first, while others ripped her apart for the mixed message she was sending to a community that looked to her as a leader.
Although temped, I did not immediately add my voice to the mix. Instead, I sat back and observed what was happening and used that time to check my motives carefully. I realized that part of my initial reaction was – dare I admit it? Envy! There I said it.
When Jess Weiner talks – people listen. You may not like what she had to say, but she has opened the door for amazing dialogue and for me, she created another giant opportunity to really turn within and pay attention to my own feelings and reactions. In other words – to listen to myself.
In my desire to be heard, to have a voice, to be acknowledged and recognized, I have come to understand that even if the whole world was waiting with baited breath to hear the next utterance that came out of my mouth – none of it – not one bit of it matters unless I take the time to truly listen to myself. As an advocate for healthy self-esteem and empowerment for teen girls and young women, I know I can’t give what I don’t have inside to offer. Like Abraham Lincoln acknowledged, “You can’t help the poor by becoming one of them,” likewise, I can’t help girls by acting like one or by relying on my old knee-jerk patterns of behavior.
It occurred to me, in watching the drama unfold in the blogosphere last week, that many of those who reacted and commented on the article, were also trying to be heard and vie for airtime with a well-placed link back to their own blogs. Ironically it’s this need to be heard, acknowledged and accepted that is at the root of many of our addictive behaviors and the greatest thing that could come out of all of this would be that we all begin to see that we are the ones who need to listen and approve of ourselves. Blaming Jess Weiner, or anyone else for that matter, is symptomatic of the lack of taking responsibility for our own lives. Whenever anyone is triggering something in me – it’s always me and my own thoughts that I need to look at.
I am in no way diminishing the seriousness of an eating disorder and as a woman in recovery, I know firsthand the challenges of healing from an addiction. But thankfully because of my recovery, I also know that whenever I am pointing the finger at anyone else, there are always three more pointing right back at me! It is only when I take full responsibility for my own thoughts and understand that I am the one who has created my own reality by the power of my thoughts – regardless of external circumstances – only then can I begin to transform and heal. Believing that one woman, by sharing her own experience has the power to damage an entire social movement is the epitome of giving away your own power.
In this new, ever-changing frontier of social media, where we get our sense of approval and acknowledgment from the “like” button, it is important to remember to hit the “like” button for ourselves. Now more than ever before, as our outreach becomes wider and the world becomes smaller due to our social networks, it is vital to turn within and take the time to listen to your own inner voice, guidance and truth. Otherwise, we are just adding more noise to an already very noisy world.
I personally want to thank Jess Weiner for providing me with a huge opportunity to pause, go within, check my motives and ask for guidance. This article was the result of that and came from a deep place inside of me. It may never reach the masses, but what is most important is that I took the time to listen to me – and that is recovery. I no longer need the whole world’s approval to feel good about me. I have also learned in my healing journey that whatever we resist persists and that what we push against just gets stronger. So today I am simply going to pray for those still suffering with any kind of addiction and for those still stuck in blaming others for how they feel. I have witnessed firsthand, and therefore will never doubt, the power of prayer, yet I also know that
faith without works is dead. There is more work to be done – but it always begins within.
Let me be the first to “like” this! When Kathleen Hassan talks – I listen!
