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Go Ahead. Make My Day! The Power of Compliments

Yesterday I was running into Whole Foods to get a Green Dream (sounds so much better than kale smoothie) and noticed a young woman in the parking lot wearing this awesome purple dress and really cool purple shoes. Without a moment's hesitation I said to her, "Girl... you are totally rocking that purple outfit today!" The guy she was with said, "I'm so glad you said that!" I was thinking that probably he had already told her the same thing and she didn't believe him, so I asked, "Why are you so glad I said that?" He went on to explain that she had, just moments earlier, commented to him how much she liked another woman's cardigan sweater and the boyfriend had said to her, "Well, why don't you tell her that?" But she told him she'd feel silly and that the other woman would probably think she was weird [...]

By | 2017-03-07T12:19:43-05:00 October 8th, 2014|

Mommy, I found your music box!

Happy Mother's Day! The word mother conjures up a vast array of reactions and emotions. For some, mother is synonomous with nurturing and uncondional love and for others (like me) the very mention of that word stirs up a deep longing for what we never got. One thing is certain, the relationship we have (or had) with our mothers has more than any other, shaped us into who we are today and affects every other relationship we have - most importantly - the one we have with ourselves. I never really understood my mother and she died when I was sixteen - long before I had enough life experience or insight to be able to see things from her perspective. But this past year I received a gift - a miracle that was 48 years in the making. We often think of miracles as something huge that happens to us, that is [...]

By | 2017-03-07T12:23:14-05:00 May 9th, 2014|

Teen Girls and Sex: What’s the Big Deal?

I got an email the other day from a girl named Laurel and she wrote: Dear Kathleen, I am so glad there is someone like you inspiring so many girls out there! I've seen numerous social media posts recently about some girls losing their virginity veerrrry young. One of my friends recently wrote a post about what a big deal it is, and I totally agree. would you talk to us about sex and explain why we should wait till we're older? I've often wondered that myself Not that I'd want to lose my virginity young... But I think it comes into a lot of girls heads and we need someone to talk about the ongoing struggle about thoughts about sex. Why do we have to wait until we're married or until we really love someone? Why do we have to wait until we're older? How come it's such a [...]

By | 2017-03-07T12:31:29-05:00 February 25th, 2014|

Ask Kat: I Broke Up With a Guy – So Why I Am I So Sad?

Just got this great question from a girl named Nikki and figured I’d share my response to her with other girls who may have been wondering the same thing. I broke up with my bf and I thought I would feel relieved bc I lost my romantic emotions for him, but instead I'm the one bawling my eyes out. It just sucks because I do care about him, he just wasn't “the one” and I feel empty and sad. I feel like I should feel so relieved. Is it normal to feel sad even if I’m the one who left him? Dear Nikki - Of course it’s normal - you're mourning a loss. Even when you make a choice that supports your best and highest good... that doesn't mean that there isn't a time of grieving. Not so much mourning the loss of him... but mourning the loss of what you [...]

By | 2013-11-19T21:22:57-05:00 November 19th, 2013|

Boobs, Jugs, Hooters & Tits: The Quest for the Perfect Breasts

This past weekend, I was in South Beach, Miami attending Mama Gena’s Worldwide Sister Goddess Weekend. I felt like I was magnetically pulled there. I somehow found myself on Mama Gena’s website back in July and saw the blurb about the weekend. I clicked the link and signed up without a moment’s hesitation - not knowing really anything about it nor anyone who would be there. I drove across Florida with butterflies in my stomach, feeling this intense resistance going on inside of me - knowing that I had been divinely called here and feeling so much fear at the exact same time. I have never experienced anything like it before in my life. Hundreds of bold, sexy, adventurous, outrageous women all committed to living a life unleashed and out loud. These chicks - young and old, tall and short, thin and chubby - every one of them totally owned [...]

By | 2017-03-07T12:40:59-05:00 November 15th, 2013|

Mothers and Daughters: What Happened to My Little Girl?

In my 15 plus years of working with girls and coaching mothers and daughters, I have observed, and have seen it played out over and over again, this deep desire to be acknowledged and to be heard. This morning, while listening to Deepak Chopra's 21 day Meditation Challenge, Oprah, in her introduction to the meditation, gave her #! lesson that she has learned in life. I hit the pause button, grabbed my pen and jotted down her quote (below) because when I heard it, I knew it in my core to be the truth. I started thinking about all the mothers and daughters that I've coached over the years, and felt a nudge from the Universe to write about this deep need to be noticed and appreciated. “If there is one lesson I have to say I’ve learned during my time on this planet it is this: the number one [...]

By | 2017-03-07T12:43:00-05:00 August 18th, 2013|

Rape, Bullying and Another Victim of a Society Crumbling

My heart is so heavy and I am beyond sad today to learn about the tragic death of Rehtaeh Parsons. A 17 year old girl who was raped by 4 boys - who were never charged for this heinous crime. One of the boys took photos during the rape and distributed them and they went viral. Rehtaeh became the victim twice as her peers and so-called friends turned on her and labeled her a slut. She was mercilessly bullied until she couldn't take it any longer. As an advocate of teen girls and young women and as a mother of two sons, I am even more deeply committed to my work and outreach. The following is an excerpt from an interview with Rehteah's mother, Leah in the article Who Failed Rehteah Parsons? There are things to be learned from the girl’s death, Parsons said in the interview. That is why [...]

By | 2017-03-07T12:56:44-05:00 April 10th, 2013|

The Breakdown of a Breakup – Towards a New Breakthrough

Nothing can throw a teen off course quite like a breakup. All the energy that goes into this real-life drama can thwart academic progress and derail athletic performance as well. But pretending it didn’t happen isn’t the solution, nor is wallowing in the “if only’s.” The Breakdown Boy meets girl. Lust at first sight. Hormones raging. Lips locked in marathon make-out sessions. Hating to be away from each other and anxious for the next encounter. Non-stop texting. Moved to #1 on buddy list. The Breakup The newness fades. Flaws and defects begin to rear their ugly heads. You feel powerless to control the situation and yet that only strengthens your resolve to try to fix it. Playing the victim brings you some relief as your friends rally to validate everything you’re feeling. Fear sets in and your self-esteem plummets as you internalize all of this as somehow your fault and [...]

By | 2007-11-07T11:43:06-05:00 November 7th, 2007|

Everybody’s Doing It – Why Not Middle Schoolers?

Birds do it, bees do it Even educated fleas do it… But Middle Schoolers? Say it isn’t so. When songwriter Cole Porter penned his memorable lyrics in 1928 he was talking about “falling in love” not “making love.” Apparently peer pressure was a factor even back then as the song implies, everyone is “doing it” so why shouldn’t we do it too. Fast forward eighty years and peer pressure, although still a factor, isn’t the only pressure on today’s teens and tweens. Thanks to the hormones in our food and milk supply, girls are developing at a much earlier age. Thanks to our image-obsessed and sexually permissive culture, girls are apparently “doing it” at a much earlier age also. Middle Schools in Baltimore and Seattle are “doing it” and now Portland Maine is joining in. The New York Times reported that on October 18, 2007, the Portland Maine School Board [...]

By | 2007-10-25T11:45:03-05:00 October 25th, 2007|